Today I have had a breakthough. I have had so hatrid in me for so long that I can't tell you when this first began. I really have so mch hatrid against me that I cant really explain why. I consider myself second rate to others. I feel like others deserve to be treated better than me. I believe that my needs and wants come for others than myself.
I know its sad to hear but its true. I have been in therapy for a month now. I am still not sure why or how this has happened. Today though, why I was sharing my depressing journal entries with my counselor, she pointed out that I would not treat a baby or a girl the way I treat myself so why do I contine to belittle, insult the child in myself? Isnt the little girl inside me, deserves to be treated special, and help in love. I know I have a long ways to go in therapy.
Below is one of my journal entries that I have written.
I know that I am an over sensitive person who belives everyones pain and suffering should be put on my shoulders.
I feel dead inside. I have no joy, no happiness, Just sadness and numbness. I don't know how to handle my emotions. My rational being just wants me to snap out of it. My other side just wants me to suffer. That side has alot of hatrid and bitterness. That part controls 95% of my being. This side thinks I deserve the pain and just wants me to disapear.
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